Geographic Memory
what do you remember?
It’s warm for January. I sit in a cafe in San Francisco and remember what it was like to grow up here - to run through the Presidio as a kid or tear along the trails at Land’s End. I feel connected to a piece of myself that I had forgotten about (or hid away).
Memory is a funny thing, isn’t it? A sensory encoding of experience, imprinted through olfactory, auditory, and visual phenomena - which, funnily enough, makes memory geographic. A wonderful blurring and mixing of senses, a time-capsule launched forward waiting to be rediscovered upon a return to a place where the crashing of waves and call of gulls echo in harmony with those of a memory almost too distant for words.
I was 4 when we moved from the Bay Area to Truckee, near Lake Tahoe.
A key concept in psychoanalysis is “resistance” - which refers to a psychological phenomenon where you unconsciously oppose or avoid confronting repressed thoughts, feelings, or memories.
Resistance manifests as a defense mechanism that protects us from emotional discomfort or anxiety associated with these repressed contents. It can occur anywhere - from the therapeutic setting or in everyday life.
I often wonder what resistances I developed over the course of that move. But coming back to my roots seems to have unlocked or uncovered connections to hidden emotions or feelings - particularly related to my energy levels and my anger.
As a man, anger is something I have a love/hate/fear relationship with - it can be a source of power for me yet also threaten to overwhelm me (as it has several times in the past). But connecting deeply to a sense of fierce joy that I feel since arriving here has skyrocketed my energy levels…and so I am leaning in to my resistances.
Next stop: the mountains.
FYI, I am working on a couple longer pieces related to game design that will interface with memory, but for right now, I would LOVE to hear from you on what your experience with memory and place is!
Queries for Self-Growth:
Where have my most powerful memories been?
When was the last time I was there?
What would happen if I went back?
Why am I stopping myself from going back?
Love from the Pacific Coast - Nico