Why Clouds?
This will be the inaugural post of my “Clouds” series, and as such, I thought it prudent to get everyone on the same page about clouds.
Some of you may be wondering why I have chosen to write about such meteorological phenomena. I have asked myself this same question many times.
Perhaps it is because they prance across the sky in so many strange and wondrous patterns that we cannot help but see them form into myriad shapes?
Perhaps it is because clouds are an excellent analogy for creative expression?
Perhaps it is because I hope to eventually find a castle, hidden amongst their towering pillars of condensed water vapor?
While all of these reasons may be true, I suspect one overarching thread connects them all:
Clouds are AWESOME!!
Now, on to level-setting. There are a few things you all need to know about clouds.
Clouds are beautiful, and if you don’t like looking at clouds, why on earth are you still here?
Clouds form when water vapor, an invisible gas, condenses into ice crystals or water droplets that ‘float’ in the sky. Why do they do this? What is their plan?
There are many different types of clouds, each with their own personality and disposition towards humanity. Don’t ask me to define these for you - I cannot speak for the clouds. All I can give you is my own experience with these strange and wondrous creatures.
To gain an accurate understanding of clouds, you must first familiarize yourself with the earth’s atmosphere. Brace yourselves:
A Traveller’s Guide to Clouds
According to the National Oceanic and Atmospheric Administration, 14 basic types of clouds exist within the troposphere, the lowest layer of earth’s atmosphere (that’s also where you exist).
Within the troposphere, NOAA categorizes our fluffy friends as High (16,500-45,000 feet), Mid-level (6,500-23,000 feet), Low (less than 6,500 feet), and Unusual Clouds. Though most classifications you will find categorize clouds in reverse-altitudinal order, I will not adhere to these guidelines. Instead, I will provide an ascending description of clouds, using words to paint a picture.
I could comb through Wikimedia commons to provide you with visuals à la the wonderful illustration of earth’s atmosphere, but that would take a horrendous amount of time. Besides each of the 14 cloud “types” provided by NOAA, there are multiple sub formations of clouds, so you can expect an individual post on each of these cloud “types” that covers them in more detail, and will also include pretty pictures for your enjoyment.
My main objective here is to provide a guidebook for you so the next time you encounter clouds, you are prepared.
Low Clouds - form under 6,500 feet
Stratus: Thin, white sheets that blanket the sky or land. They are featureless, for the most part formless, and are usually not threatening to humans. Occasionally, a more carnivorous variant of fog or mist is born, but this is unusual.
Cumulus: Your classic cloud: fluffy white cotton balls that scoot across the sky. They are usually friendly, but occasionally get angry.
Cumulonimbus: A distant cousin of the blog. They form when a bunch of angry cumulus clouds get together, metamorphosing into something else. Well-developed cumulonimbus are usually characterized by an anvil dome caused by wind-shear inversion, which can rise tens of thousands of feet into the sky. Juvenile cumulonimbus clouds are more lopsided, as they have not entered into adulthood. Be cautious of the juveniles, and even more wary of the adults.
Mid-level Clouds - form at 6,500 to 23,000 feet
Altocumulus: A cloud of layers, composed of many rows of fluffescent ripples, like the guts of an accordion. Like an accordion, altocumulus is capable of producing quite a wide range of notes, and for this reason, they are sought after members of a cappella groups.
Altostratus: Like their cousins, altostratus are blanket-like and moody to a fault, but will occasionally let sunlight through. They are usually blue-gray or gray in hue, and their presence may signal an onslaught of rain and snow. But it may not. They could use some therapy, but overall are doing OK.
Nimbostratus: Also known as the snow father, Nimbostratus weeps for his lost children, or, on days when his heart has grown cold, snows. He blocks out the sunlight, and the gloom pervades everything. Beware the Nimbostratus.
High Clouds - form at 16,500 to 45,000 feet
Cirrus: A flighty bastard, feathery in both form and nature, cirrus clouds are mostly made of ice crystals. They may seem delicate, but they are cold and heartless lovers. Legend has it that a particularly brutal Cirrus broke Nimbostratus’ heart, but I don’t put much stock in it.
Cirrostratus: A thin veil of vapor that covers the sky, Cirrostratus will often crown Helios (the sun, just to be clear) with a halo. Sycophants, am I right?
Cirrocumulus: Thin and patchy, like my beard, cirrocumulus will occasionally form into sheet-like formations, but they do not cover the sky. More often, they look like delicate ripples frozen in ice or grains of rice spilled across the table. You could call them a bit of a klutz.
ROGUE CLOUDS
That’s right, kiddos. Special clouds. Unusual clouds. These clouds are so edgy that they make circles scared. They are usually found hanging out back behind school, smoking j’s and drinking Old No. 7 instead of doing their homework like all children definitely should.
Mammatus Clouds: What happens when a good cloud goes bad? Mammatus (which for a while I thought was called manatee, but I see now that is an insult to the Dread Lord of the Depths). These clouds are altocumulus, cirrus, cumulonimbus, etc. that dropped out of school to pursue their passion. Only they weren't that talented, and are now all droopy and pouchy from too many hot pockets. Still, they have some interesting stories to tell.
Orographic Clouds: Talk about skirting responsibility! Orographic clouds form as air is forced from a low elevation to a high elevation by topographic elevation. It’s as if they wanted to commit to the mountains, but at the last moment soared away, leaving the fingers of the earth to reach skyward, forever alone.
Lenticular Clouds: Cousin to orographic clouds, lenticular clouds look like flying saucers or contact lenses, but “Pony Boy” might be a more apt description of them.
Contrails: The clouds of man. Or woman. Or human. Depends on how the person who flies the plane identifies. These are the remnants that jet airplanes leave behind, and as such, they hate humanity with a passion. Avoid them at all costs.
Denouement
And there we have it, folks. A brief summation of clouds. I hope this answered some of your questions and left you with even more. Next week, or perhaps later this week, we will begin our exploration of the different cloud types. We will understand what makes them tick, look at some phun photos (fun fotos? LMK), and develop some survival techniques.
Until then, keep your head in the clouds and feet on the moon (see, this is why you need survival techniques!).
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Fabulous to read! My son has special needs, and I sent your blog to him. He was jumping for joy all day, and he even clapped. Thank you, and, whatever you do, keep writing!
They are a wonder to behold, thank you adding their expressions of emotion into your piece. I thoroughly enjoyed reading this article!